Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. We’ve had our share of highs and lows during our time together. However, recently I discovered some things that are really bothering me.
My husband always said he didn’t “do the whole Facebook thing.” I discovered he’s been lying about not having a Facebook account when I was trying to set one up for him so he could use it to receive some promotional offers. I then discovered that he was searching for old girlfriends, singles sites, pornography and other women on Facebook for two years behind my back.
Some of the women my husband was looking up on Facebook were our daughter’s age or even a couple of years younger. We live in a small town, and some of these women work where he gets his hair cut, where we bank or at other places where we do business. He visited several of the women’s Facebook pages multiple times. This is all very disturbing to me. When I try to discuss this with him, he gets extremely defensive and becomes angry with me. I am hurt and don’t believe that what he is doing is right. Please help. -- Feeling Very Broken
Dear Broken: The only one who should feel broken is your husband. Honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage.
Though it’s definitely questionable that he’s been browsing (very) young women’s Facebook pages, there could at least plausibly be innocent explanations for that. The alarm bells sounded for me when you mentioned that he has been on singles sites. This could indicate offline, real-life infidelity.
Talk to him about going to marriage counseling. If he refuses, then consider separation or divorce. It’s better to live alone than with a louse.
Dear Annie: My wife’s nephew and his wife, “Susie,” moved from Oregon to Pennsylvania last year for him to go to graduate school. Recently, there was a collectors show that I was going to about two hours from where they now live. I suggested to my wife that if she wanted to visit them, I could drop her off at their condo Thursday afternoon and then go to the show. I returned Sunday morning for us to leave for home on Monday.
When we got back to their condo, I noticed Susie standing in the kitchen eating something from a bowl. She then went into the living room to continue eating. My wife has a restricted diet, and as she was getting out her lunch fixings, she asked her nephew whether there was some bread to make a sandwich. After some digging, “Bob” did find a couple of pieces in the freezer. I found the dynamics a bit peculiar but thought, “No big deal.”
Then, after we got back home, my wife told me about Bob and Susie’s breaking out the chocolate ice cream after I had gone to bed Sunday night. (Ice cream is not part of my wife’s restricted diet, and they knew it from the previous day.) I feel that their handling of food and meals was clueless, if not outright rude. I have no desire for a return visit because of that. When I mentioned a future trip by their town next summer, my wife said she wants to include a return visit. I have no desire to subject myself to a repeat episode. Help. -- Snubbed for Snacks
Dear Snubbed: I’m a little confused here. If it didn’t bother your wife, the one with the food restrictions, I’m not really sure why it bothered you. It’s her family and her diet restrictions, so I would let her take the lead as to whether to go back. Also, if she’s on a tightly restricted diet, it would be best to pack snacks and small meals of her own when traveling.
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